Thursday, December 22, 2011

Happy Holidays

We're snowed in here on the Mesa. Nothing to do but eat all the broken Christmas cookies I've been baking, and watch trash TV.
It doesn't look so bad in the photo, but there's too much snow to get down the hill, so the dog and I are spending the day watching Law & Order reruns (I miss Jerry Orbach)  while he plots revenge against the cat.
They've been feuding lately, mostly over snacks. Each has an odd perspective on ownership, neither respects anything on their human's plate. Here's why the dog will never reign supreme. 
Our version of SNL's 'Lasercats'.
This is how we grow 'em in Colorado. Not promoting Sun Maid products, just look at the damn cat.

Phew, sugar overload.
Happy Holidays.

Friday, December 16, 2011

What I learned today...

During my daily chat with one of my CA girlfriends, she asked how I'd be spending the upcoming weekend.
Keep in mind that she'd just shared how she was going to a holiday party at a winery in Sonoma, then she and her husband were going to crash at a friend's condo there so they could make a leisurely drive back on Sunday, stopping along the way at one of their favorite restaurants.
Audible Sigh.
I took a deep breath, and told her that over the weekend, I hoped to get the bird out of the basement. Oh,  and we were going to chop more firewood, and maybe, if I wasn't too tired, I would bake something full of apple-y goodness, before the 3 boxes of apples we have stored in the mudroom turn into something disgustingly mushy.
Somehow, I don't think I'm going to be having as much fun as she's having, but I'm not going to have to put on any restrictive garments for my weekend activities, which has become Priority #1 in my world.
Sad. Very, very sad.
She didn't even appear shocked to hear there was a bird flying around in the basement, because she listens to me complain about errant wildlife on a daily basis. The bird got into the basement after the Unfortunate Mouse Incident last week, because now, I absolutely refuse to go down the narrow basement stairs. The only other way to get into the basement is to open the 'Dorothy Door', which is what we call the big old hatch-like door by the side of the house, because it looks like it could be straight out of the tornado scene in the Wizard of Oz.
Because of my irrational fear of rodents, I've decided when I have to do laundry, instead of going down the narrow basement stairs which would not provide ample turning-around-room-in-case-I-come-face-to-face-with-a-mouse, I need to go out the kitchen door, walk around the house, open the Dorothy Door, and enter  the basement this way. Normally, no big deal, except earlier this week, when the weather did this
Obviously, I needed the dryer, which means basement. Grrrr. Oh yeah, and Brrr. So a stupid bird flew in (at least I hope it's a bird and not a bat, but hell, nothing at this point would shock me) and now there is yet one more unwanted critter in the basement.
But, I did learn something this week. Something I never had to think about when I lived in NoCal.
Steel-toed shoes are not a good choice in the snow. I don't need to explain this, do I ?
I have to go walk around the house now, so I can leave some birdseed out for whatever is flying around downstairs.

UPDATE: Snow melting, bird flew away. Life is good.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Cat & Mouse...really, cat & mouse!

There simply is not enough gin on the planet right now to make things OK.
I'm trying, but this is way above my current pay grade.
The issue is mouses. (I don't want to hear that crap about the plural of mouse being mice. This is my post and I prefer the incorrect term, mouses.)
My mostly unemployed 32 lb. cat just confirmed my worst fear about living in this farmhouse.
There ARE mouses that live here, too.
The big guy (cat, not husband) caught one over the weekend. It was a horrible experience, which I am still not over, in spite of consuming mass quantities of whatever (gin is best) alcohol I can get my hands on. Is there a better excuse for drinking? Screw social drinking. This is stress drinking. This is rodent stress drinking.
At some point, after a significant amount of rodent stress drinking, I got the feeling that more little mouse bastards still might social-networking under the kitchen sink, or perhaps behind the stove, and maybe, just maybe the big cat didn't catch all of the mouse-intruders.I thought this because he spent several hours like this...just waiting...watching...being super stealthy.

Just so you know, this is what passes for a cat disguise in my home. The cat becomes completely invisible to mouses when he puts his head in the laundry basket. It works, too- because the current score is 
 Mickey the 32 lb.Invisible Cat: 1       Mouses: 0
I kind of thought I should do something helpful to try and drive away the mouses, too- and (mostly due to the increased gin consumption) settled on making a whole lot of noise, to convince any rodents still parked in the house that there was simply too much mouse-danger to risk staying, or (God forbid) making another appearance. In case anyone is faced with this or a similar dilemma, let me tell you that tap shoes on a hardwood floor are a great tool for making a racket. The only downside is that the dog got confused (he's not too much smarter than the cat) and thought that there was someone knocking at the door. For 2 hours. So he barked for 2 hours, until I took the tap shoes off. My second choice was majorette boots; although the noise factor wasn't as satisfying as the tap shoes, they added the extra protection...adding a nifty leather barrier between me and any mouse that might come flying out from under the sink. But it's been lots of years since these have been worn, and the years have not done anything to add to the comfort factor. Plus, they looked really weird with my pajamas. But it felt pretty good to march around the kitchen holding a martini glass. Made me forget about the mouses and mentally challenged pets, but now I'm waiting for that phone call from PETA.  

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

NBC/WSJ poll...Let's Make America Average Again!

According to the latest NBC/WSJ poll, the current crop of GOP candidates is viewed as 'average'. Only 21% of those registered to vote in the Republican primary thought their choices were strong. My personal feeling is that the poll would have had a different outcome if these options were available:
  1. Batshit Crazy
  2. Serial Cheater 
  3. Really Good Hair 
  4. Slimier Than a Safeway Chicken
Never mind. We're talking the GOP. Maybe their enthusiasm has been set aside just in case the Donald thinks he can squeeze out 5 more minutes of attention by announcing his candidacy.  Or Sarah Palin, now that no one wants to buy Todd's reality show. Or Carl Paladino, that psycho guy with the baseball bat who ran for Gov. in NY. Oh, you Republicans... you're more entertaining than a basement full of serial killers.
But waaayyy more scary to live with.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Watch and share...

Powerful images and music remind us that civil disobedience is nothing new.
Sadly, neither is police brutality- but watching the resolve of dedicated protesters through the decades makes me realize what others have risked and given up for causes they believe in...and how we've benefited from their determination.
This also reinforces the fact that the 'authorities' who employ fire hoses, clubs and pepper spray never accomplish the goal of silencing the protests...they mostly achieve the opposite, which is strengthen the commitment of those speaking out, therefore promoting the very causes they are fighting to quell.
Thanks to The Strolling Scones: Rick and Helen, and David Jacobson at Words & Pictures for creating this. 

Friday, December 9, 2011

Too twisted for color TV...

It's been a busy week for the twisted pretzels in the GOP, and those who love them.

There's been another one of those phony-filibusters in the Senate that prevented an actual vote on the confirmation of  Richard Corday to head the new (well,not that new- it was actually created 14 months ago)Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. The Repo's just can't stand the idea of the government protecting anyone but their Wall Street cronies. They pulled this same crap when Elizabeth Warren was up for the job. She's now running for the Senate in Massachusetts against pretty, pretty Scott Brown. Wouldn't it be the best karmic bitch-slap ever if she beat the crap out of him?
This obstruction bullshit isn't anything new- the party of GOP clown shoes has been standing in the way since Jan. 20, 2009. The fact that they physically haven't been removed from office by constituents whose best interests they've bought and sold is nothing more than a testament to the ignorant voters who've wasted their time listening to Faux News, and wouldn't know a fact if it bit off a piece of  their big white hinies.
The part I like best is Mitch McConnell's (R-KY...does anyone else think K-Y when they see that?) explanation.He tried to sell the idea that blocking an up or down vote of Corday to the CFPB was responsible, because he doesn't think that the Bureau should be run without more involvement by members of Congress. He doesn't think...Let's get this right...He wants Congress- the group with an approval rating lower than contract killers, to have more input?  With all due respect, Mitch McConnell should be on anti-psychotic meds, along with any human who supports his POV, because these people are fucking delusional. I mean no disrespect to anyone dealing with mental health issues, really.The only others who are equally as delusional are John Boehner, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Newt Gingrich, and oh, never mind...the hits just keep on coming.
Speaking of Newt, remember back in March when he told the CBN that the reason why he was a serial-cheater was just because he loved America so much? Remember? He said he was so busy, and so patriotic that he made bad choices. First off, Calista- are you getting nervous yet? You'd better have enough stuff from Tiffany's stashed in a safe deposit box to keep you in peroxide for a few years, because we know how well Newt did supporting his first family, and second, Newt stupid are you people?
Well, take solace in the fact that Newt and Santorum will have a yabba-dabba-do time at the Donald's debate. The one no one else is participating in. Yeah, this is getting good, even if it is too twisted for color TV.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

GOP Clown Shoes

The old whore Donald Trump is going to moderate the next GOP debate? Are they fucking kidding?
I've been out of the loop for a while, so I thought this was a joke. It is a joke, but Newsmax (now there's a name that just wreaks of responsible journalism...sounds like a discount news store) really, truly asked the hairpiece to moderate the December 27th  GOP debate in Iowa- which is just a week before the state's presidential caucuses. Steve Coz, editorial director of Newsmax said Trump was asked to host the debate because, "He's very a very well-known, very influential person and nearly all the Republican candidates have gone to Donald for advice, so we thought he was the perfect moderator."
What is more pathetic...the fact that the best the GOP has to offer has gone to the Donald for advice, or that the bullshit hairpiece feels the need to insert himself into national politics- lowering the bar each and every time he opens his mouth?
I'm not a fan of anyone in this current crop of GOP headliners, but at least Jon Huntsman and Crazy Ron Paul had the good sense to tell Trump to take a hike. They won't be taking part in the debate.
If this wasn't so depressing, the antics that go on daily under the big elephant tent would be a real hoot.
How foolish or frightened does a person have to be not to close the door on this whole idiot party?
FYI: the debate will also be carried by ION Television, which means they may have to bump a couple of their Psyche episodes, but since they run it about 18 hours a day, maybe they're hoping no one will notice.  Guess the Donald and the GOP will screw up the quality of their programming, too.