Who ya gonna call...Ron Paul?

Why do we never ever hear libertarians and anti-government types talk about HOW they would handle those pesky little details that government agencies deal with like, oh... disaster relief, air and water quality, food safety, basic infrastructure (roads, bridges, sewers, water supply, electrical grids, etc.) and the biggest question of all...why oh why do they want so badly to be on the payroll and be part of the evil federal government that they allegedly want to do away with?
Why do the tea party members of congress take advantage of their dreaded 'government run' health care?
Why did the Koch Brothers already apply for the corporate benefits they can receive under the President's health care legislation when they funded so many of the protests against it? Doesn't that all sound a little hypocritical?
When did the inmates start running the asylum? The voices we hear droning on endlessly about less government used to be considered the the 'crazy fringe', but because of the dumbing down and laziness of so many voters, combined with manipulation of campaign laws that have allowed the unlimited flow of corporate dollars into our political system, we have lost our perspective. Have we forgotten that over the years, we've enacted laws, created infrastructure, and a social safety net because of need and necessity? One of the biggest problems we have with the dumbing down of the population is that the generation who didn't have a safety net is dying off- and not enough people remember what life was like before. We outsource jobs to places like China and India and Mexico not only because of the cheap labor, but because corporations can basically pollute their environment at the levels we refuse to accept. Or used to.
Hey, libertarians and tea party, wanna trade air quality with China? Care to drink the water in Mexico?
How exchanging standards of living with most of the population in India?
Think this through. Remember where we came from. The tea party is so fond of putting on silly clothes and reenacting history. Let's check in and see if they want to reenact 1929? Maybe they'd like to switch off Faux News, get out of their Lazyboys, and stand in a breadline...Because that's where the anti-government whack jobs want to take this. They're clear about it. They want to starve the federal government out of existence. "Drown it in the bathtub" was the infamous quote.
 Ask yourself some serious questions about what kind of a country you want to be a part of, and who should be the stewards...you who don't trust the government are so eager to hand over your futures to corporate thieves. Are you thinking that Americans for Prosperity really, truly has your back?
Are you thinking that the Koch's (who've donated one hundred million dollars to right-wing causes... cue the mmmwwwhaaaa...evil laugh and mustache twirling...hey, it fits.) really care about any one's prosperity but their own?
This is a serious wake up call...someone needs to knock on the doors and maybe the brains of these yokels who buy into the notion of less government, and ask them what that  it really looks like.
WHAT EXACTLY DOES LESS GOVERNMENT LOOK LIKE?
This is especially relevant in light of the latest natural disasters.
Your house is washed away. Or blown down. Your kids are missing. Who ya gonna call?
Your house is on fire. Who ya gonna call?
Your roads are destroyed. Who ya gonna call?
Those are just 'natural' disasters...what about the ones created by the good corporate stewards of the environment? We know what happens when the fox watches the hen house. But let's look again...
You have no clean water to drink.  It's been polluted by the mill down the road. (Oh, wait, that happened) Who ya gonna call?
You have no safe food to eat. Corporate farmers have taken too many shortcuts, are giving you unsafe eggs, meat, veggies (Oh wait, that happened) Who ya gonna call?
You have no clean air to breathe. The chemical plant down the road is spewing out toxins.(Oh wait, that happened, too) Who ya gonna call?
The company you work for refuses to pay you for the work you've done. Who ya gonna call?
You've been hurt on the job because your employer put you at high risk to save money and increase their margins. Who ya gonna call?
Then there are those little social  or safety net issues that just refuse to go away...
You have no access to a doctor or hospital. You have no medical benefits, your company cut them years ago.You're hurt or sick. There are no more public hospitals. Who ya gonna call?
Your mother is ill. You have no money to pay for her care, because your employer doesn't have to pay you a living wage. Who ya gonna call?
Your crazy Uncle Vern ( a war vet) is out on the street again, putting himself and possibly others at risk...you can't handle him yourself, and need professional help. He's suffering because of injuries sustained during the service to his country. Now he needs help. Who ya gonna call?
The kids down the street don't have enough to eat; both their parents' jobs have been outsourced, and they're in trouble. The food bank has been exhausted. Who are they gonna call?

It's as if we've collectively forgotten why we evolved. Sure, there are regs that need to be tweaked and waste that needs to be eliminated, but everything the GOP has told us is crap. The Bush tax cuts haven't stimulated anything in the economy except excessive luxury spending for the top 1%,  and a whole bunch of corporate donations to try and weaken the federal government. A good number of this current bunch of corporate citizens are the most unpatriotic, greedy bunch of  rat bastards ever...just look at how many didn't pay any income taxes at all vs. the obscene profits they're raking in.
Regulations exist for a reason. I think one of the problems we still deal with is the fact that a lot of the teeth were taken out of the penalties during past administrations...If we lobbied to rewrite corporate charters, and made CEO's personally culpable for violations committed by the companies they run, we'd see changes.
I don't guess things will change until the population smartens up and finally sees that what's best for corporate America is not what's best for all of America.
Oh yeah, and until we collectively tell the crazy-conspiracy-talkers, race-baiters, and tea baggers all to go to hell.

Who has the guts to take on Grover Norquist for real?

Even if you're on the same side as the Demos, it's really hard not to be perpetually pissed off at them, because, with a few exceptions, they've allowed the thuggish bunch at the GOP to control the dialog on way too many issues. Seriously, Dems...how long are you going to keep getting pushed around before you fight back? Really fight?
The whole political climate has deteriorated into schoolyard crap. Can't anyone think back into the basic rules...OK, I admit I can't exactly draw on my own experiences as a kid...different generation,...different rules of civility...whatever it was,that was then...no matter how wonderful it would be to go back and make nice, it's not going to happen. Not with these guys.  My eyes weren't opened to the bullying thing until my kids were in school, but the take-away lesson for us was that bullies don't pick on kids that refuse to be victimized, and that frequently, bullies are often being picked on by someone who is wielding power over them.
If the GOP are the bullies of the House and Senate, and the TP'ers are the pathetic toadies who hang out with them and do their bidding, it's the corporate puppet masters who control them all. Blinding Glimpse of the Obvious. Sad thing is that while the old school GOP guys know it; the toady TP'ers still think they're going to be in control, and that the ignorant voters who would rather watch faux news than think for themselves are going to be OK when their medicare and social security gets kicked to the curb because that's the way Grover Norquist wants it. Grover's the guy (head of Americans for Tax Reform) who got every single Repo to sign his pledge to never, ever raise taxes, or eliminate tax deductions or credits. Grover's particular group of thugs is funded mainly by big tobacco and other corporate interests. Unlike some members of the GOP, their aim is transparent, to choke the government out of existence by cutting off spending. A new development is that one of the gang of six, Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Oklahoma), has finally taken issue with this blind following...and has the guts to actually stray from the company line. (popular repo talking point: "We don't have a revenue problem, we have a spending problem." ...Heads up! You guys also have a credibility problem.)
The fact that he was wanted to explore an end to wasteful ethanol subsidies has the bully Norquist DEMANDING that Senator Coburn drop out of the 'gang of six'. Oh Grover, you don't like it when one of your own dares to call you out!
Even the concept of a dialog on the topic of raising revenues has these toadies and thugs acting like a bunch of spoiled brats. I say it's time for the 'gang of six' to start acting more like a gang, and go to the mat for the American citizens they're supposed to represent... not the corporations that Grover Norquist shills for. Stand up to these thugs and toadies...how long is it going to take you guys to understand that the bullies can't keep going after everyone's lunch money (social security, medicare) before some strange alliances form to beat the crap (metaphorically of course) out of the creeps who rule the schoolyard by instilling fear and telling lies.

DOMA?? Are you kidding...The REAL threat to marriage is the GOP!

I just read that King & Spaulding, the law firm hired by the House of Representatives to defend DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) has quit. The firm had agreed to work on behalf of the GOP-led House after the Obama Administration announced that the DOJ will no longer defend the law; stating it is unconstitutional.
Despite the price tag of continuing (upwards of 500,000...a drop in the bucket, I know, but let's stand on principle here) Speaker John Boehner's office clarified that Paul Clement, the lead attorney (who resigned from King & Spaulding over their choice to withdraw) and his new firm, Bancroft PLLC will still defend DOMA for the House of Representatives.
Your tax dollars at work.
Let's get this straight. The GOP leadership, those elephants in the room who constantly trumpet about fiscal responsibility, cutting waste, the importance of smaller, less intrusive government, the need to make job creation a priority, and the ever-important family values has chosen the Defense of Marriage Act fight as another 'defining moment'. Defense of Marriage? I can't believe anyone with a brain doesn't look at this and not see a civil rights issue. (Somewhere, Jesse Helms is gleefully rubbing his hands together) I guess the Repos will never get it.
With all due respect, you BOZO's in the GOP, by the miserable hypocritical example so many of you set, pose a much larger threat to marriage than any same-sex union ever could.
In my mind, it's perfectly acceptable to point out all the failings of Republican members, as they have declared themselves owners of the moral high ground; the party of 'family values', plus- they're the ones who came up with this whole BS concept that marriage was something that needed to be defended in the first place.
Oh, yeah, and the fact that their members get caught cheating at almost a 3 to 1 ratio when compared to Democrats speaks volumes.
So...here's a few of the examples we should all follow if we want to defend our traditional family values...
Start with former Speaker Newt Gingrich. He believes in marriage so much, he just can't stop wife-dumping so he can engage in the sacred process...again, and again, and again. Trouble is he cheats with the new ones before he's done with the old ones. Admirable. Then we've got the amazing disappearing Gov. Mark Sanford, who took off for six days on a 'retreat' only to be holed up with his Argentinian paramour. Good goin' Gov! Who can forget former Idaho Senator Larry "I have a wide-stance" Craig...busted for soliciting sex in the airport men's room. Another anti-gay rights guy, too. While we're talking about busted in the boy's room, there's former Florida State Representative Robert Allen, who also got caught bargaining for a BJ in the men's room. And Florida is famous for Mark Foley, the former Congressman who was forced to resign in the gay-page-texting-scandal. There's David Vitter, Louisiana Senator who was caught up in the DC madam scandal, but was better known for his diaper fetish. See, it's all about family values. He probably just missed his kids, right?  Married with children and known for his anti-gay rights campaign rhetoric, VA Congressman Ed Schrock also got caught leading a secret gay life-which is just plain sad. These guys should STFU and be who they are instead of trying to steal the rights away from others. The marriage-is-sacred hypocrites couldn't shut up either...seems Dan Burton and Henry Hyde, both huge critics of Bill Clinton for his affair with Monica Lewinsky, were both guilty of the same dirty deeds. Seems that Republican Bob Livingston, who was tapped to replace Newt Gingrich after he was forced to resign as Speaker of the House, also had to step down after an admitted affair. Speaking of stepping down...the latest Repo to hit the dust is Nevada Senator John Ensign, whose affair with a former staffer involved quite an elaborate cover-up and pay-offs.
My point is...you guys got nothin'. Except pandering to bunch of homophobic morons. Ummm, would that be your base? (pandering...pimping...you decide) You could take the moral high road and come down on the side of what's right...or you could do what we know you do best. Should be about 5 minutes till the next men's room bust.  

It's official...I've stayed too long at the fair...

I started this blog for purely selfish reasons; to document the transition from California Girl to life in a rural mountain town in Colorado. Leaving the comfort of a suburban Bay Area community where everything is within an easy commute (well, perhaps not so easy)  to settling in to a tiny town where not much is familiar, and being self-sufficient is far more valuable than being fashionable.
There was no question my mindset had changed when I saw an advertising tag line the other day that said,
"Pick up a new clutch for spring!"
and this is what I thought of ...

I should explain that auto parts are not generally the first thing that pop into my mind, but lately I've been obsessing about getting the snow tires off the car. I am so ready for spring, but instead of thinking of floral dresses and new shoes, the way I would have in CA, I'm all over getting those damn tires off the car, and getting vegetables planted.
After that's done, maybe I'll think about acquiring this kind of clutch...

Or not. I'm not sure it would go with my new work gloves.

Living Social..but not with truth in advertising

Is EVERYBODY getting blitz-attacked by 'Living Social' ads, customized for their home town? I usually kind of filter this crap out, (disclosure- I did sign up for Groupon when they first started advertising) But these Living Social ads are ubiquitous...you can't get away from them. It's a multimedia blitz... they're on every news page, random physical spots, TV- I was kind of surprised not to see them on my roll of toilet paper this morning. I'm mostly OK with advertising...lots of it provides good entertainment, or serves as a reflection as to where society's values really are. Listening to the side effects detailed on the pharma ads is good for a laugh any time. (watch for sudden drop in blood pressure, dizziness, vomiting, headaches, numbness and sometimes death...oh, no, not death?)  But these Living Social ads are bugging me because they're purposely misleading. Mine pop up daily with teasers like..."Get 50%  off the Best Food in Hotchkiss"  or "Save on the Best Restaurants in Hotchkiss" So...what's wrong with that? .....Uuuummm.... REALITY.
Hotchkiss is not known for good restaurants. They had one Chinese Restaurant (it's closed now) but it was pretty scary. In fact, when you mentioned you were going for Chinese food in Hotchkiss, locals would roll their eyes and say, "Oooooooohhhhhh. are you sure?" There is one pretty good place where you can get burgers, but the other places  in town consist of a bar, the gas station/convenience store and the Elks Club, which attracts patrons in with their signage....

I'm not sure what a "Smoothered Steak" is, but I checked both sides of the sign and it read the same on both the front and back. 
I'm not seeing anything like this on the Living Social ads.
The other signage I recently found in town was a sandwich board outside the aforementioned bar that serves food. I couldn't get a picture of this because the pink chalk it was written in wouldn't show up, but it read
75% TACOS
I think what they meant to say was 75 cent tacos, but here in Hotchkiss, you can never be sure. If they did mean 75% Tacos, I'm really curious about what the other 25% would be. So I don't care that Living Social is in my face all day, every day, trying to get me to sign up- I just wish their marketing staff would spend a little time studying demographics before they go balls out. Really. You don't know Hotchkiss. If you did, you would know that the best food in town is at my sister's house, and I don't need to sign up to get a discount there.

Gov. Perry...putting the ASS in Tex-ASS

I'm sorry that Texas is dealing with raging wildfires- the harm to innocent people and property damage is immense. That said, I want to hear some ass-kissing and serious groveling on the part of Gov. Rick Perry, who is, again, asking for federal assistance. You remember Rick Perry, who HATES the federal government, and went on the record back in 2009, affirming the Texas wing-nuts' right to secede from the union. Too bad they weren't successful, huh?
Perry hates federal assistance so much that Texas is listed as the #1 recipient of disaster relief on the FEMA website. http://www.fema.gov/news/disaster_totals_annual.fema
It's not the fact that Texas receives disaster relief. That's why FEMA exists. It's the fact that he bitches about the feds at every opportunity, and I have yet to hear him say thank you, or acknowledge that Texas has had their ass saved by the feds on numerous occasions.
Kind of reminds me of the teenager across the street, who bitches about what asshats his parents are, how stupid they are, how their values suck, how they're messing up everything for everybody, but whenever he wants a few bucks he's right there with his hand out.
I bet I know what kind of kid Rick Perry was.

How I got this way...or the story of my 'Pre PC' anatomy lesson

Way back when I was little, in the late 50's; there was no such thing as political correctness. Some would say that's good, some would say not. It is what it is...at any rate, I came from an odd family that was always facing the kind of culture clash that occurs when a snotty intellectual type from NY marries a very grounded but modest Midwesterner. There were three kids in our family, and when I was in Kindergarten we moved to a suburb on the SF Peninsula, where my dad worked as a newspaper editor. My mother was a stay-at-home mom, and responsible for 99% of our upbringing- including how we treated each other. I need to explain that we were indeed a modest family. If I asked a question about anything of a 'delicate' nature, my mother would give me precisely the information I asked for...nothing more; nothing less. I should also explain that I was not particularly an inquisitive kid, except when it came to the issues of candy corn and Soupy Sales. I had no particular interest in human anatomy, and never having seen anyone else in my family naked, (especially not my older brother or father) I assumed all humans were created like I was. But seriously, I never thought about it much. I was four, and there were other things to think about, like candy corn, and Soupy Sales. I started Kindergarten in 1959, and a couple of days before I was to start school, my mother sat me down for a talk. Not about birds and bees...oh no- she wanted to talk about the proper way to treat my classmates. Here's why... There was a family down the street that had three kids the same ages as the kids in our family. All the kids on the street played together, divided by age groups more than anything else. We all knew that there was something different about the family, but in my house, you weren't allowed to say the word retarded. I remember that sometimes a few of the kids on the street called them names, but mostly everyone just got along. We all knew that the three kids in that family were retarded, but like I said, we didn't use that word at my house. Maybe because my older brother also had a handicap, maybe because my parents agreed on the issue of how to treat other people- anyway, that's what my mother wanted to talk to me about before I started Kindergarten. She told me that Randy (the kid in the family who was close to my age) was going to be in my kindergarten class, and that I must never be mean to him or call him names, no matter what he did, or what the other kids did in class. She referred to him as special, once she said he was a little different, but she basically let me know that it was kind of my responsibility to have his back, because he lived right down the street and we all played together. So, I knew what she said. (special) I also knew what the word on the street was (retarded) even if that wasn't my word. Skip ahead a few months...nothing that traumatic happened. Randy fit in fine, because hell, it's kindergarten and it's 1959 and kindergartners back then weren't subjected to the kind of academic stress that they are now. We colored, we napped on mats, we drank little cartons of milk that had been delivered early in the morning and were kind of lukewarm by the time we got them. We sang songs about the alphabet and at least once a week, just for excitement, some kid would throw up. The kids in the neighborhood kept playing together, and I pretty much forgot about my mother's lecture. Until one day when Randy and I were playing on the swing set in my backyard. OK, Randy's social skills weren't the greatest. One second we were swinging to see who could get the highest, and the next second,without a word, he had disappeared. When I figured out he wasn't coming back, I went to find him, which I did, in our gravel side yard, with his dungarees around his ankles, peeing on our galvanized garbage can. HOLY SHIT! WHAT WAS THAT THING HE WAS USING TO PEE WITH? Just to be sure the universe hadn't changed, I checked my own panties. Nothing. I looked again. There it was, unmistakable. Hell, I thought to myself. I've never seen ANYTHING like that before. EVER! Then, in a blinding glimpse of the obvious...I got it. I remembered my mother telling me he was different. Yeah, she said special, but I knew the kids on the street said retarded. OK, now it all made sense. Having a reasonable explanation, I filed this information away in my four-year-old brain; never told anyone, never asked about it. I had pretty much forgotten about the whole thing until about a year later when one of the reporters who worked for my dad and his wife had come over to our home for dinner with their brand new baby. I was fascinated with the baby. Being the youngest kid, I didn't recall having contact with a tiny human up close and personal before. This baby, Philip, was absolutely the cutest thing I had ever seen, and I followed Philip and his mother around all evening. As was the custom in 1960, the men sat in the living room and smoked, and the women did all the work. After the dishes were done, the moms took Philip to the bedroom to change him and put him down for a nap. Of course I was on it, delighted with the activities. Until the diaper came off. OH MY GOD! Horrified, I dragged my mother out of the room and down the hall, out of earshot. "Why didn't you tell me Philip was retarded?" I demanded. Yikes, the word just slipped out. I was far too concerned to even gauge my mother's reaction. "What are you talking about?" She looked at me in complete confusion. "He has one of those retarded things...in his diapers- like Randy!" And out came the story of Randy peeing on our garbage can, and what he had in his pants. To this day, I don't ever remember my mother laughing this much. Sometime during all my distress, in the next few minutes, she explained the difference in male and female anatomy, seeming genuinely surprised that I didn't already know there was a difference. Of course, she delivered the information in the same down to earth manner she delivered every other piece of info. Nothing more, nothing less. It became a big joke. I don't think she ever reprimanded me for the retarded reference- that really would have messed me up. I do remember eavesdropping later that night and hearing my father say that if I grew up with an attitude about male intelligence, it would be understandable. Truth to tell, it's not male intelligence I have attitude about...it's just some intelligence. Mostly now, it's about the people who believe Fox News.

Our founding fathers never had air-conditioned buses...

I'm no fun to be around when I'm pissed off. And in spite of what I considered a great speech by President Obama yesterday, I'm still mostly pissed off about Paul Ryan's budget proposal, and the influence of the tea baggers in general.

It's this whole idea they have of privatizing gains and socializing losses- and the fact that the tea party movement seems to be driving this train.

How in heaven's name did such scoundrels get elected, and why, oh why do so many people vote against their own best interests?

You absolutely cannot reason with some of these idiots. It doesn't matter that BofA, Citigroup, Exxon, Wells Fargo, and GE paid less in federal income taxes than the average American family. It doesn't matter that the tax rate is lower than its been in decades. All they can do is yammer on about less government, and hang on to little bits of phony information that has been hammered into their brains by the likes of Glen Beck or Rush Limbaugh.

When these guys gather, they like to make references to our founding fathers, and speak about tyranny, and the big ugly intrusive government. But wait, these are mostly the same guys who want to tell me what to do with my uterus, and never mind that a ton of corporate money paid to put their fat butts in big comfy bus seats, where they can drive to assemblies and get as fired up as sophomores at a high school pep rally. Never mind that a whole bunch of these people are social security and medicare recipients. Forget that they somehow buy into the idea that 'Americans for Prosperity' has their best interest at heart, and the Koch brothers are concerned with anything except increasing their own wealth and power, and that many of them will get seriously screwed if Paul Ryan gets anything remotely close to what he's proposing. What's especially frightening is that these people exist in a vacuum. They don't talk to others outside their own group. They get their 'news' from Fox Entertainment, so they're really clueless as to the difference between fact and fiction. (if you repeat something enough, and use a blackboard- yikes, it's real!)

By the way...a bunch of conservative pundits are coming down on the President for being too harsh and personal in his speech yesterday. Some said it was a 'bitch slap' to Rep. Ryan. And the problem is...? If anyone ever deserved a bitch slap...it's anyone affiliated with the train wreck that has taken over the GOP. The American people should all be waiting in line to slap some sense into every single Republican and conservative Democrat who would consider, even for a second, supporting a budget that is so clearly detrimental to middle class and poor Americans.

Here's a link to Paul Ryan's email... https://paulryan.house.gov/Contact/ContactForm.htm?Zip=53140&Zip4 Of course, you're only supposed to use it if you're one of his constituents, but hell- I figure since his budget proposal is going to affect a lot more Americans than the ones living in Racine, rules don't matter. Please- send him a message and tell him what you think of his plan.

And while you're at it, please ask any tea party member you may know...When, exactly did we become a country that has to starve our children and deprive our elderly in order to pay our debts? Would these idiots really have us believe that it's Grandma's doctor visit or the kid down the street who gets a school lunch that's caused this problem? (BUSH TAX CUTS....2 wars...plus, Where are all those jobs that the beneficiaries of the tax breaks were going to create??? And the bastards want MORE???)

Seriously, how can we get mad at the President when we're not making as much noise and getting as much attention as these pinheads who screwed things up so badly in the first place and want another run at it? Does anyone out there remember the surplus we had when Bush took office? Maybe too many people are too busy sniffing exhaust fumes from those big Koch-financed buses...

How to lose friends and alienate people...

Here's a blinding glimpse of the obvious...We're an overweight country. Come on, we're a nation that brags about deep-frying Snickers bars; how did we think this mini-drama was going to play out? We eat the wrong stuff, and too much of it. Adding to our misery; far too often, we don't get off our butts and move enough. This is something I know about firsthand. I just polished off a burrito for breakfast, blew off my morning walk, and now plan on spending the next 2 hours parked on my fat ass reading about the awful things that everyone else is doing, so I can complain about them later. Really. Maybe I'll take a break in a few minutes to get some cheesy puffs, but only if it's not too much trouble to walk to the kitchen. Some people are making totally decent, well-intentioned efforts to deal with the problem. I think Michelle Obama and her endeavors to educate children and parents on making healthier choices belong in this category. The operative word here is CHOICE. (On the other hand, Sarah Palin's snarky efforts to mis-quote and misrepresent her actions have made it easy to keep front and center the fact that Sarah has raised being a sham to an art form.) Some mornings, you sit down to the daily news and see that sometimes, people who allegedly have the best intentions end up doing things that are so stupid they alienate those who would otherwise be supporters, and actually turn people away from the very cause they're fighting for. I'm talking about the Little Village Academy, a public school on Chicago's west side, and the decision of Principal Elsa Carmona to no longer allow students to bring their lunches from home. That's right, if you happen to be enrolled in Little Village Academy, and you want to eat lunch, you're forced to eat the crap they serve up on campus. Ms. Carmona explained that the decision was made after she observed the poor choices some students were making. (soft drinks and flaming hot chips) Evidently, after experiencing the choices made by the district's food provider, Chartwells-Thompson, some students decided it was better to simply skip lunch entirely. The 'healthy' lunches served up are considered inedible by many, and the school's choice to ban lunches from home has outraged students, parents, and a variety of observers. This was a really dumb thing to do, on many levels. First off...Ms. Carmona should remember that she is in the business of 'educating' people. If she wants to set a good example, accomplish the goal to get kids to eat healthier, and truly make some changes that will last, she should have set out to educate both students and parents on easy and economical ways they could make better food choices. There is lots of support out there for this kind of thinking. There are lots of people who are doing it right. She could have followed the successful leads of Michelle Obama, Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution, or David Zinczenko's 'Eat This, Not That'. She could have led the kids on a path that would have empowered them, and their parents to make smarter choices rather than dictating policy that is surely in process of backfiring in her face. The fact that, given the problem, her best solution was to outlaw home-packed lunches leaves me with the realization that this is another example of why some schools are in deep trouble. If this is the kind of brain trust responsible for making choices in today's tough environment, we're screwed. Not only did she miss a great teachable moment and the opportunity to have a positive impact on a serious issue, but her solution has a questionable motive. In a district with a significant number of low-income children, the issue of cost for school provided lunches is part of the problem. A non-subsidized cost of $2.25 per meal per day is simply more than many families can afford. If they do qualify for assistance, then guess what? Federal dollars get kicked in to...wait for it...the food provider; Chartwells. Isn't that special? Maybe in reality, people can do more with their own dollars, and instead of just putting the hammer down and saying it's my way or the highway, we could use a little imagination and intelligence and provide the tools to help parents who may not know about better nutrition. Besides the fact that this is one of those sneaky-funnel-public-dollars-into-private-for-profit-businesses, this pisses me off because it's one of those incredibly stupid actions that will set the cause of fighting childhood obesity back years. On top of everything else...it's a bad financial decision. The fact that so many of the cafeteria meals are ending up in the trash and not providing better nutrition is infuriating. How about they start penalizing the meal provider for all the food that's not fit to eat? I don't want to hear that if you're hungry, you'll eat. That's as much garbage as the folks at Chartwells are trying to dump on the plates at Little Village Academy. Take a look...http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/education/ct-school-lunch-2c.jpg-20110410,0,4595560.photo Funny how the photo snapped by the Chicago Tribune looks a hell of a lot different that the ones posted on the Chartwells website. It's ridiculous that this is going to set off the conservative wing-nut voice boxes again, ranting about the 'nanny state' and lumping everyone who wants to address the obesity problem in with this group of idiots in Chicago. There are a whole bunch of us, lib-left-wing types who think that this is one of the worst decisions ever. Stupid is stupid. This one is so dumb, it made me lose my appetite.

Can't we just shut down the tea party instead?

With the government on the verge of shutting down, ( I blame the tea baggers and the Republicans who don't have the balls to stand up to them) reading examples of ridiculously stupid legislation is enough to make a girl scream. (As long as it's not against a city noise ordinance to do so.) While the Demos and Repos are battling it out in Washington, I'm finding my patience for BS is wearing thin. First thing I heard that made me want to find the nearest oil and gas lobbyist and pee on his toothbrush, was this insulting ad they're running almost every hour, on one of the two radio stations I can actually receive in this remote area. It's a load of crap that goes something like, "Who do you trust to make Colorado's energy decisions? Coloradans or bureaucrats in Washington DC???" And they say Washington DC like they're referring to Transylvania. Shame on them. Where in hell are those damn oil and gas lobbyists spending so much time? Could it be Washington?? Do ya think? Exactly what are they trying to pull? How stupid do they think we are? Furthermore, they should show some respect for our nation's capital. This is why I am so sick and tired of the stupid tea bagging idiots, too. When they disrespect the government, they disrespect the American people. Where exactly do those bureaucrats come from? Are they perhaps referring to uuummm, elected officials? The ones WE elected? Oh, those bureaucrats. We elected them, so shut up. And frankly, we've seen what happens when an industry takes control over legislation- just think back to Dick Cheney allowing oil execs to write energy policy...in secret. So, if I could just rub elbows with some of those smarmy lobbyists, I would absolutely excuse myself to go pee on something belonging to one of them...like a toothbrush. In fact, if we could ever get our hands on Dick Cheney's toothbrush, and auction off the opportunity to pee on that, it could be the hottest fundraising tool the Democrats ever had. But I guess that would be against the law. Speaking of laws... Here's more of what set me off this morning. The next little goodie was a blurb I read about how the legislation in South Carolina is proceeding to outlaw Sharia law. Yes, non-existent Sharia law. Again...Republicans are behind this...the ones who are so fiscally responsible. Idiots, wasting money on a non-existent threat. Then, there was a strange piece of legislation in Maine. I've been paying attention to Maine, because I have fantasies about moving there after the current governor's term is up (because he's repulsive) and the story had a weird enough headline to catch my attention. It seems that Maine is going to be the first state to make it legal for an amputee or otherwise one-armed person to own and use (in an emergency) a switchblade. My first thought was of a Maine version of West Side Story...being played out with one-armed gangsters wearing Mackinaws. I thought the whole idea was pretty dumb. Turns out there's a bit of logic behind it. The bill was originated by Paul Dumas, Jr. who argued that he is tired of opening his knife with his teeth, and " he can't react quick enough in emergencies when he needs to cut a piece of rope." Mr. Dumas is a horse-rider with one arm, and a legitimate need. If he were on federal land, he wouldn't have an issue, since federal law permits one-armed persons to carry switchblades on federal property, as long as they don't have blades longer than three inches. So...I learned something new. I also learned that like every state, Colorado has its share of silly laws still on the books. For example; cross dressing in public is illegal in Durango. Sterling has an ordinance which states that a cat must be fitted with a tail light if it sneaks out of the house. (Isn't that the whole purpose of sneaking out?) Speaking of cat legislation, in Cresskill, cats must warn birds of their whereabouts by wearing 3 bells. If you abuse rats in Denver, you're going down. You're also in trouble there if you loan your vacuum to a neighbor. Really. Big, big trouble. Don't even think about riding your horse upstairs in Cripple Creek. Against. The. Law. Boulder takes their city property pretty seriously. It's illegal to move a rock on city property, as well as allow your pet goat to graze on city grass. Better watch it. And in case you don't think we take safety seriously in Colorado...well you'd be wrong. It's against the law to have a snowball fight in Aspen (I personally think it's because you might mess up some one's hair, make-up or bruise a recent botox injection) They're all over it in Alamosa, where you positively cannot fire a missile at a car. No way. Never. Ever. So...the question here is if the government does in fact shut down, would that give all of us a chance to go out and break some of these laws? Personally, I'm thinking about taking a horse up to the third floor of a casino in Cripple Creek.

Boycott Donald Trump...it worked on Glen Beck!

It's red lipstick and fishnets for Donald Trump, because he has officially morphed into an old whore, and it's not a pretty thing to behold. He proved it again with more crazy talk. I'm still trying to figure out how he can howl this loud while he's so busy licking tea party balls. After 30 seconds of listening to his 'birther' rant on the Today Show this morning (April 7) my first thought was that he was simply off his medication, because he had that irrational Charlie Sheen thing going. Like Sheen, the Donald is always shamelessly self-promoting, but this last bit of pandering to the idiot birthers really demonstrates that the wheels have come off the wagon. I thought Trump was supposed to be smart. This undisciplined blah blah crazy blah wasn't exactly smart. In fact...listening to the Donald 'trumpeting' about oil, what a superior businessman and deal maker he is, and bashing President Obama over a made-up conspiracy made me throw up in my mouth a little. Quite simply- no one likes to listen to Donald as much as Donald. I want him to shut up or be held accountable for lying. Let's just pretend that the whole birther issue hasn't been put to rest. Let's pretend that this hasn't been documented. That the people perpetrating this hoax don't have an agenda. That they don't lie. That fact check doesn't exist. No, wait. I can't do it...because it has been dealt with. Over and over again. It isn't an issue unless you're incredibly ill-informed, naive, believe Faux News, are a racist looking for another reason to be angry at the fact that we elected Barack Obama President, are a conspiracy-theory nut, or just too stupid to think for yourself. As for Donald Trump...it's time for this opportunistic piece of work to take his lips off the tea party's dick; go quietly into the sunset, and do something good for the country. Fire himself. Wait...maybe we can do it for him. Anyone who thinks Donald Trump is a pain-in-the-ass should publicly vow to boycott everything associated with his businesses. Don't drink the vodka. Don't stay or play at a Trump property. (this means golf courses, too) And...let's do to the Donald what Color of Change instigated against another useless windbag...Glen Beck. Let's contact the advertisers of The Apprentice and tell them we will be voting with our advertising dollars, and as long as the Donald is spouting such irresponsible, disingenuous garbage, we'll be boycotting not only the program, but all sponsors of it. It's a free country. We have the right to free speech. We also have the right to be disgusted, and to voice our opinions and intolerance of such blatantly deceitful statements, and the fools who make them. Read more...Check out Jenice Armstrong of the Philadelphia Daily News http://articles.philly.com/2011-04-05/entertainment/29384791_1_donald-trump-birther-issue-celebrity-apprentice; or Michael Langston Moore's Boston TV Examiner column http://www.examiner.com/tv-in-boston/color-of-change-s-victory-over-glenn-beck-shows-consumers-wield-the-power For a tidy disposal of stupid 'birther' myths, read http://mediamatters.org/research/201104070029 of course, it probably won't do any good if you're a birther. But then, in that case, there's a good chance you don't read anyway. Just settle yourself down and tivo Glen Beck so you have something to do in the future, or wait for the next round of crazy talk from the Donald. It won't be long.

Newt loved America SOOOOO much, he just couldn't keep it in his pants.

We've been asked to buy some outlandish explanations for bad behavior by politicians, celebrities, and those seeking office over the years, but the last offering served up by Newt Gingrich absolutely takes the cake.

In case you missed his interview with CBN (I did and had to settle for reading a transcript) his rationalization for all the adultery he committed; ironically while he was leading the attack on Bill Clinton' s infidelity, was that he loved his country and was really, really busy. Newt...seriously? You're saying this with a straight face? To potential voters...some of whom are women?

Let's just take a quick peek back at your track record. You cheated on Wife #1 with Wife #2, and went on to serve Wife #1 divorce papers while she was in the hospital recovering from surgery to treat her cancer. Then you went on to cheat on Wife #2 with Wife #3. You dumped Wife #2 shortly after she was diagnosed with MS.

And during the time you were waving your penis around like it was the checkered flag at NASCAR, you were going after Bill Clinton for...his affair with Monica Lewinsky.

You were House Speaker, Newt...third in line for the Oval Office- spouting your family values doctrine and setting a good example for the Christian Right to follow...oh, wait- you weren't. You were dumping wives and waving your dick, and lying about almost everything to just about everyone.

And now that you are "inclined to run for president," you have the gall to offer up your patriotism as an excuse for your lying, cheating, adulterous to say nothing of hypocritical actions.

The exact quote was this:

"There's no question at times of my life, particularly driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and that things happened in my life that were not appropriate."

Things didn't happen, Newt. You cheated. You didn't honor your marriage vows. You dumped not one, but two sick wives. So much for 'in sickness and in health'. And your excuse is that you love America, and you were busy.

So if I were Wife #3; Calista, I'd be really really concerned about you running for office again. Because chances are, you're going to get busy. And if you still love America, which presumably you'll say you do, (because that kind of thing is important to the voters you're trying to woo)

then it's just a matter of time before you start lining up Wife #4. Of course, you'll cheat first, then dump Calista.

It's not just Calista who should be concerned...Republican voters should be taking a long, hard look at the damage they can sustain from supporting such a foolish, hypocritical old windbag who thinks his supporters have the collective memory of a swarm of fruit flies.

Then again, maybe Newt's not such a fool. Maybe he'll get by with this nonsense. Maybe his supporters don't care if he lies, cheats, and dumps his sick wives. Perhaps as long as he continues to embrace xenophobic, anti-gay, anti-choice positions, they'll simply look the other way.

But there's another thing I just don't get.

I don't see jumping at the chance to get with this-

If he were a great guy; selfless, benevolent, honorable...that would be something else, but knowing he's such an SOB...ladies- please.

It's not your imagination...Tinkerbell's turned hoochy.

We were shopping a while back, not in Paonia,thank you, but in a big box store that shall remain nameless but its initials are Walmart. (to my CA friends, I'm sorry. I said I would never set foot in an evil Walmarket, but I gave in. I was weak, and lazy, and I didn't want to drive 30 additional miles to the next town in order to have a choice of Target, JC Penney, or an even larger Walmart. Shopping here is the best reason to shop online.) Anyway...there we were, plowing through the foreign territory that is Walmart; acres and acres of cheap, tempting crap displayed for our buying pleasure, when I found my husband staring at an circle rack of little girl's T-shirts. He seemed kind of disturbed as he grabbed a pink size 6x tee, emblazoned with a Disney fairy.


"When did Tinkerbell get so slutty?" he demanded to know, waving the shirt in my face.



This is what he was referring to...

This is not the Tinkerbell we remember. Sure...Peter Pan even referred to Tink as 'a common girl' in the 1960 TV movie, but the animators have re-vamped her into an entity that looks like she'd be more comfortable serving cocktails in a strip club by the airport than flitting through a kid's movie.

Given that our fading memories often can't be trusted...(were Hostess Cupcakes really that much better in 1964, or were our taste buds less sophisticated?) I google-searched for an original drawing of Tinkerbell, and found this is what she used to look like...

OK...check her out. She's basically got the same hair, same outfit, those eyebrows that would make the producers of a 'Lifestyle Lift' testimonial proud.
But old, original Tink's arms lack definition, as if she hardly spent anytime at all at the gym. Her bust hasn't been enhanced, and new Tinkerbell has obviously had a chin implant, and probably some rhinoplasty. Original Tink looks like she could be a distant relative of Wilma Flintstone. New Tink looks like she could be a distant relative of Jenna Jameson.
None of this should matter at all, except that if you spend more than 5 minutes in the toy aisle you can't help but notice how blatantly sexual toys for girls have become. Bratz, Monster High Dolls, Struts (I'm not making this crap up-these are horses with high heels) even Trolls have been revamped so they're wearing short skirts and look really slutty. I wonder if Charlie Sheen had any input on this one...
I know I sound like a giant prude, but these toys are really skeevy. It's like they've been designed by pedophiles, because this is pretty simple stuff. Children should not be sexualized. It doesn't matter if you want to paint up three-year-olds and put them in beauty contests, or buy them dolls that emulate streetwalkers. Let children be children. Keep the slutty stuff where it belongs. In sleazy bars by the airport.

The Gift of Fred Phelp's Ugliness...

I'd always been taught it's not productive to hate- but like 99.9 % of America, I find Fred Phelps and his group of in-bred morons at the Westboro Baptist Church loathsome. Right off the top of my head, I can't think of a more repulsive group of people.
The recent Supreme Court decision protecting their First Amendment right to picket funerals is troubling, but democracy and freedom are messy and difficult, and often involve protecting the rights of people we'd prefer to beat the crap out of.
Isn't that what's really going on in the hearts and minds of most everyone? Don't most of us just wish that gaggle of dimwits in Kansas would follow the lead of Jim Jones and mix up a big batch of tainted grape kool-aid and drink themselves into the hereafter?
We're civilized, of course, and so we settle for expressing our anger at the Supremes, our disgust at the odious actions of the Phelps family, but more than that, we feel pain for those who have suffered the losses of loved ones, only to have their sacrifices mocked by the stupidity and ignorance of a group fueled by hatred.
When the Westboro thugs only picketed the funerals of AIDS victims, or the gay victims of hate crimes, they didn't get nearly the press they've received by targeting members of the military, or more recently, Elizabeth Edwards and even Christina Taylor-Green; the youngest victim of the Tucson massacre. ( Arizona quickly passed a law which prevented them from doing that.)
The Westboro Bapstist Church has gotten what it wants by gaining a huge amount of national publicity. No small accomplishment for a group which is made up of mostly family members, and random mis-fits, but they've also accomplished something more important. They've united a great number of Americans who have come together to counter-protest. Unlikely allies; bikers, veterans, hacktivists, community groups, and supporters of gay rights. United. Standing together, against a common enemy. In a way- the group at Westboro Baptist Church embodies everything worth standing up to... they're hostile, ignorant, oppressive, dishonest, and extremely cruel.
The Supreme Court decision, while very difficult to stomach, says to the world that as a people, we're bigger than they are. We're stronger; we can unite and speak in a clearer voice. We can overcome petty differences, join hands and create a human chain that cannot be broken by their abhorrent acts. Each and every time we come together, and drown out their hate speech with our counter protests, each time we present physical blocks to keep their ugly signage from being seen by mourners, each time we set aside cultural differences and beliefs to stand side by side in support against them, they lose. They've given us a gift. A strangely wrapped gift, sure- one we'd prefer not to have received, but a gift nonetheless.
That's why they'll never succeed. (That and the fact that everyone knows Fred Phelps is hot for gay boys...otherwise, he wouldn't be so wickedly obsessed with what's happening in everyone else's underwear.)

Tell the dishwasher to hold, I'm talking to the freezer...

Living in the middle of nowhere can really be a pain when a major appliance goes on the fritz.


I hate washing dishes in any way, shape or form, so last year when a brand-new Kenmore dishwasher stopped working after just a few weeks, I was less than pleased. It got even nastier when we found out that it was going to take a couple of weeks for the service tech to come out and figure out the problem, because we lived in such a remote area. God help us if they needed to order parts. I used lots of paper plates for a while.


This experience should make me appreciate the new 'Kenmore Connect' system that Sears is bragging about- but it doesn't.


Evidently, some Sears appliances are so smart that they can send their own communications to the service department- saving a service call and wasted time.


Sounds good, but think about it...where is it going to stop?


First off, if the washer is all that smart, why does it need to call the service department in the first place? Why can't it just fix itself, or for that matter, why did it break to begin with? AHA! Not that smart, are we?


The other thing that really troubles me, is how do you know your smart-assed washer is going to limit its calls to the service department?


How do you know it's not going to run up long distance charges calling all its appliance friends in God-knows what kind of other remote areas where the dryers and refrigerators and dishwashers are all bored crazy?


How do you know that even if they limit their calls to the service department that they won't talk about you behind your back?


I can just imagine my dishwasher tattling to the tech rep that I buy my automatic dishwashing detergent at the dollar store, and I rarely refill the little Jet Dry cup.


Bitchy Dishwasher.


Oh, yeah- and the refrigerator is probably ratting me out right now because I leave snap-top containers on the shelves for so long that the food inside is no longer identifiable. (Why else would those little containers be so cheap if you weren't meant to toss them out when you were afraid to open them?) It's probably also going on and on about how I don't clean it on a weekly basis like I was taught to.


Asshole Refrigerator.


The freezer is complaining because I never label anything and stuff has been in there since the Carter Administration, the Stove is pointing out that I always put the burner plates on wrong so they don't fit together, and the Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer is...never mind, there is nothing the Kitchen Aid could possibly say about its treatment. I worship the counter it sits on, and it knows that. In fact, that could be why the other appliances are talking trash about me. Speaking of trash, we haven't even mentioned what the garbage disposal is saying...

So glad my kids are grown...

Overheard at the Hotchkiss City Market...



Older boy pushing his younger sibling in the shopping cart when younger sib starts flailing arms and yelling, "Go get Mom, go get Mom, I have to go potty... NOW!"

Older sib continues to push cart, and calmly asks, "Number one or number two?" (Obviously wants to give Mom a comprehensive report.)

Younger sib stops flailing for a moment then screams, "NUMBER FIVE!"

Does this blog make my butt look big?

I'm sooooo excited! I just got an email from Daphne G. at a site called Lookville.com. Daphne just had to tell me she was 'super impressed' by my blog's design and content. Oh, really, Daphne?

Tell me, tell me, tell me, cause I'm just dyyyying to know... what is it about the 'design' that superimpressed you? The boilerplate template, or the sheep? Ha, it's the sheep! (It's always the sheep.) And the content that you found so scintillating...I'll bet anything that it was my post that explored the topic of cesspools vs. septic tanks. That grabs readers like no body's business.

Let me back up and explain about Lookville.com...

You see, in my world nothing makes less sense than getting a spam invitation to join a fashion review site like Lookville.com. If, like me, you've never heard of Lookville, it's a site where people can post pix of an outfit or accessory they've put together or are considering and get reviews from readers, followers and random fashionistas. Subscribers either model the outfit themselves or post manufacturer's advertising photos.

I have two issues with getting hit with this...the first is that NOTHING could be more irrelevant for my world. Not one of the reviews touched on irrigation boots, Sorels, hats with ear flaps, really sturdy work gloves, or the fashion style my husband likes to refer to as 'Paonia-chic' which essentially means yoga pants under a frilly skirt, accessorized by homemade jewelry and knit hats. Cover the whole mess with an over-sized hand-knit woolly sweater, something handwoven, or if all else fails, a good barn coat, and you're good to go. That outfit will get you anywhere you want to go in the North Fork Valley. (Any of the bars, pizza places, the Paradise theatre or City Market)

You just don't see peep toe patent leather electric blue booties with five inch heels around here, and if you did, it would be kind of a freakshow, because it wouldn't be more than 3 minutes before the wearer of said booties would end up ass-over-teakettle in the gravel, or worse yet, in a snowbank. Plus, the elements would totally trash any really good shoes.

The second problem I've got with this is the site itself. It's really kind of a bitch-fest. Imagine gathering up all the people you know who obsess over all things superficial (as a reference, I'm going back to my brief career in cosmetics) and give them a vehicle for being nothing but judgmental. It's one thing to carefully select an outfit...it's another to have new shoes be your sole (get it?) reason for living. Now factor in the element that Internet communications have the credibility of stuff written on a bathroom wall, (Yes, this blog is included) and you have a whole bunch of people making judgements about stuff that at the end of the day, does not have the power to change the world. (OMG we were going to declare war on that village but chose not to because of how cool they looked...that, and we did not want their substandard goats.)

Hey...if you want an opinion on statement bags, over-the-knee-boots, or floral platform pumps, try making up your own mind.

What I really find amazing is the level of insecurity out there.

Here's a new idea for fashion. Put it on. See how it feels. If you don't feel like you're going to fall over, or vomit, then go ahead and look in the mirror. If you're a city dweller or business person, can you dash for a cab? Move and bend in the middle? If you still don't feel nauseated, then ask yourself, do I like it? Do I like it? If so, go for it. Wear it in good health. Please yourself.

Why in the world do people care so much for the opinions of folks they don't even know, respect or worse yet; know are trying to sell them stuff? Why do we let the opinions of others define us? If you really need some feedback on that leopard print dress, ask someone you trust, who cares enough to be honest. Try asking someone whose style is real, wearable, and doesn't live in an airbrushed world of one-dimension.

Oh, and another thing...if you guys at Lookville were really on it, you wouldn't be spamming like a lottery scam from Nigeria.

The voices in my head won't stop talking about me...

Things have not been going smoothly in our household as of late, for a variety of different reasons, but isolation, unpredictable weather and a lack of appreciation for contemporary culture are all contributing factors.
If you were to ask my husband his opinion on the cause of the difficulties, he'd ponder for about a tenth of a second, then offer as an explanation that he's married to a crazy woman. I can't really dispute the fact that I've kind of cornered the market on unpleasantness recently...and am beginning to understand both the terms 'cabin fever' and the reason why while traveling west, pioneer women sometimes went whack-ding and took out their entire families with any weapon they could get their wind-chapped hands on.
Over the past few weeks I've seriously considered whether or not a Bundt pan could be used as a lethal weapon. Rural translation...stay out of my way, or you'll be wearing that bake-sale donation. Oh yeah, and stop judging.
Wait, this isn't coming out right. I still love the small town life...but seeing the same few blocks of 'downtown', with the same characters permanently parked there...YIKES! The thought that everyone in town knows your business, but can't recognize the guest host on SNL can really get on a girl's nerves after a while, especially when that girl and her guy are busy yelling at each other. Even if there is no malice involved on the part of the townsfolk, it still makes me yearn for the days when I could be both anonymous and connected at the same time. Back in California, if I referred to my beloved as an asshat under my breath, there was no one who would report it back to him. And...people there knew what an asshat was.
I'm almost done with my mad-on over this; because just when it gets to the point when I think I'm going to lose it and start screaming obscenities at livestock, or the next person who wants to know how I am so they can use the information like a Kroger coupon ( SERIOUSLY, THERE ARE NO SECRETS HERE!) the community comes together and does something really wonderful, and just like in a working marriage...all is forgiven.
Over the past couple of weeks, while I've been hiding out; finding solace in Classic Coke (go for the kind in glass bottles, it must be 'Hecho in Mexico', because it's made with cane sugar and tastes just like it did when we were kids) and Cheezy Puffs (FYI: wash your hands after you eat these...the J, K, and P keys on my laptop are permanently dyed orange from cheezy puff powder. Not pretty) the good folks of the North Fork Valley (yeah, the same ones I've been bitching about) have raised a bunch of money for scholarships, as well as put on a party and provided an abundance of Christmas gifts for children who would otherwise have no holiday at all.
Again, I come face to face with another example of the good, the bad, and the ugly... only this time a big chunk of the ugly has been of my own creation.
The next time cabin fever rears it's nasty head, a little imagination and effort channelled into a road trip and some exposure to city life should fix it. I'll be 100% over it, and back in small-town appreciation mode again. Except from now on, when someone wants to know my business...I'll just make shit up.

Meet your Meat...

OK...I'm a hypocrite. I'll be the first to admit it. A semi-recovering-half-assed- vegetarian-WHO DOES NOT WANT TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH MY FOOD! That's a reality of living in a rural farm community I'll never get used to, and have a bad case of 'not fitting in'. Seriously, this is a group I don't want to fit in with. I don't want to 'celebrate' the slaughter, I don't want to stand knee-deep in blood, and I certainly don't want to go to farm classes where you can learn how to kill a sheep or goat or pig or whatever. I know it's hypocritical. I know its shallow, and unrealistic. I don't care. I'm careful about the meat I consume- I just don't want to have a hand in killing it. There are all kinds of things around town to participate in,
This is the kind of thing I get emails about regularly; for example...

High Wire Ranch, 27497 Buffalo Rd., Hotchkiss, CO: Buffalo and Elk sausage / meat tasting - Farm Tours - Meet the animals!
Droste Chocolates from Eckert, CO
Wine Tasting by S. Rhodes Vineyards

Meat tasting, and Meet the animals. NO THANK YOU!
I do however, have a HUGE interest in the chocolate. It rocks. They have chocolates that rival See's, and some are dusted in gold. I get the chills just thinking about them. But...I digress.

I don't think it's all that 'healthy' to build a relationship with something you're going to kill and eat. Otherwise, it would be perfectly OK to knock off Fluffy and Fido- and it isn't. If it were, sit-coms and movies wouldn't constantly be playing up the trauma involved...so I would simply like to not be told I'm strange because the whole 'joy of the kill' thing gives me the ick.

I'm not about to go out and join PETA...they have a special talent in pissing people off, but for the life of me I don't know how you can bond with an animal, name it, care for it, and not get emotionally attached- and if you do get emotionally attached and kill it anyway, that seems even scarier.

I used to really hate the idea of hunting, but compared to taking out a cow or pig or sheep you've nurtured since infancy, it's starting to not sound so bad.

I've lost my wonderment with the earth-cookie folks around here who want to dance around and celebrate the kill.
Some of them really creep me out. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if they didn't dress so weird, and give me the stink-eye when I run into them in the City Market and they notice that I have a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese in the grocery cart. For the record, I always try and hide the blue box under something organic. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Anyway...judgement goes both ways-and if I'm going to be judged about eating plastic mac & cheese, then I get to say what I think about getting friendly with your dinner before you lop its head off. It's whack.


I think there would be a whole lot more vegetarians out there if everyone had to kill their own food, because there are lots of hypocrites like me, and if people are honest, really honest, the killing part is very distasteful. Tell the truth- when you witnessed Sarah Palin gleefully beating the crap out of the halibut on her reality show, didn't you really want to slap her silly? I just saw a 30-second promo, and I wanted to knock her smug-shrill-half-gov-quitting ass right into the water, because she seemed to take such gusto in bashing the fish. Sick. She makes us feel for the fish. How about last year, when she was caught being totally oblivious to a turkey being slaughtered behind her, as she gave a PR speech for the camera. That got all kinds of attention...Why? Because it repulsed normal folk. That's all I'm saying...it's perfectly normal, and OK to be repulsed by the act of killing, blood, guts, etc. Even if it's just livestock.

The house my mother bought has a slaughterhouse behind the back fence. She didn't know it at the time she bought it, and one of the differences between California and Colorado is... um....zoning. Oh, yeah, and they way they deal with disclosure. She genuinely believed the big metal building was a game processing plant, until she was all moved in and the deliveries of cows, sheep, pigs and goats started at all hours- about two feet beyond her back fence. The activities that go on within earshot have made her totally revert back to her old vegetarian ways. Perhaps it runs in the family.

So I guess you could chalk this up as one of my 'uglies' for living in rural Colorado. Not so fast. The quality of the meat is way better than anything I could get easily in CA...even if it comes with a price. I think I"ll go make a nice salad.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly...

Serious lack of posts as of late. Maybe it's the crappy weather that finally seems to be shifting, maybe it's missing the ocean, maybe it's the lack of decent Chinese food. Could be nothing more than the fact that I've become a big bag of excuses. Inspiration comes from the oddest places...My good Colorado experience is really indicative of life in a small town. My husband broke his eyeglasses for the 4,218th time. He's really hard on eyeglasses, but that's a story for another day. He's been wearing one pair without those little plastic nose-thingies for weeks, and didn't complain about the discomfort (much) until we were walking through the supermarket parking lot (yes, it's about the only place I ever go) and his sunglasses just fell apart, and fell right off his face. He couldn't put it off any longer- he had to go to the optical store (which was a 2 minute walk from the house) and get both pair fixed. First off, I think it's amazing that a town of 1000 people has an optician. Second, that she repaired both pair of his glasses while he waited, and refused to charge him anything. They engaged in a polite argument until she agreed to accept payment. I'm sure she finally relented because my husband can be really, really loud, and he reminded her that she'd already fixed his glasses for him and not charged him and he simply would never be able to come back if he wasn't allowed to pay her. As a result, she charged him $12.00 for fixing both pair. He still feels guilty. That's the good side of small town life.

The bad story is that last Tuesday I was too busy missing the ocean to cook dinner. I whined until my husband broke down and agreed to go to the only place we knew we could get a good pizza. The restaurant in question doesn't open for business until 5:00 pm. At 7:58 pm, he walked in to order our pizza and was told, "Kitchen's closed." Really? "Wait- you guys just opened a few hours ago. When do you close?" THEY CLOSE AT 8:00. THE PIZZA RESTAURANT IS OPEN FOR 3 HOURS A NIGHT. THAT'S IT! So, needless to say, he came home empty-handed, and by that time, the grocery store was closed, too- so we couldn't even get cardboard frozen pizza. I don't have to go into detail about how this did not improve my frame of mind. We drove the three block downtown area, hoping perhaps we'd missed an eatery that may be open after 8:00 on a Tuesday. No luck. By then I was too pissed off to cook (anything I would have attempted would have been toxic) but as we were turning on the highway to drive 9 miles to the next tiny town, we noticed the Stop & Save which is a gas station and convenience store that also doubles as a pizza restaurant.

I can't believe I've made it this long and not had gas station pizza. The best part was the clerk's response when we ordered a pizza with mushrooms and olives.
"For the same price you can get Lotsameat!" she was bubbling with enthusiasm.
"What kind of meat is it?" I asked, still considering myself a half-assed 'former' vegetarian.
She wrinkled her nose and stared at the asbestos-tiled ceiling. "I'm not sure, but there's lots of it, and it's the same price as the mushrooms!"
We convinced her that we'd be just fine without an extra 6lbs. of what was most likely pork-product, and she told us they'd put our pizza in the oven and we'd be good to go- in 25 minutes.

I don't know how many of you have spent 25 minutes waiting in a gas-station-convenience-store-pizza-restaurant, but it's just loads of fun, especially when you're cranky, hungry and tired.

We walked up and down every aisle, at least 47 times. We bought a hat (it was on sale!) a Beatles lunchbox (it was a limited edition!) 4 candy bars we had not seen since we were kids (they tasted like they may have actually been produced in the 1960's) 2 new flavors of gum, (did you know they make Pina Colada gum?) a few personal care products that I am far too discreet to mention, but unlike me, they do not contain an expiration date, and a box of dog snacks, because the dog would be really ticked off at us when we returned home. After all, we told him we were going out for 5 minutes. That's the bad part of small town life.

Here's the thing- when you live in a rural area, you learn to turn any experience into an opportunity. This gas-station-pizza experience gave me the chance to seek entertainment in the most ordinary of settings (plus I got a pretty cool hat) and it also gave us a wonderful opportunity to contribute to the local economy. The pizza was a bargain at $12 bucks. The shopping we did at the convenience store added another $38.00 to the evening's total. I still don't know what kind of meat comes on the Lotsameat special. That's the ugly part.