Saturday, March 12, 2011

Newt loved America SOOOOO much, he just couldn't keep it in his pants.

We've been asked to buy some outlandish explanations for bad behavior by politicians, celebrities, and those seeking office over the years, but the last offering served up by Newt Gingrich absolutely takes the cake.

In case you missed his interview with CBN (I did and had to settle for reading a transcript) his rationalization for all the adultery he committed; ironically while he was leading the attack on Bill Clinton' s infidelity, was that he loved his country and was really, really busy. Newt...seriously? You're saying this with a straight face? To potential voters...some of whom are women?

Let's just take a quick peek back at your track record. You cheated on Wife #1 with Wife #2, and went on to serve Wife #1 divorce papers while she was in the hospital recovering from surgery to treat her cancer. Then you went on to cheat on Wife #2 with Wife #3. You dumped Wife #2 shortly after she was diagnosed with MS.

And during the time you were waving your penis around like it was the checkered flag at NASCAR, you were going after Bill Clinton for...his affair with Monica Lewinsky.

You were House Speaker, Newt...third in line for the Oval Office- spouting your family values doctrine and setting a good example for the Christian Right to follow...oh, wait- you weren't. You were dumping wives and waving your dick, and lying about almost everything to just about everyone.

And now that you are "inclined to run for president," you have the gall to offer up your patriotism as an excuse for your lying, cheating, adulterous to say nothing of hypocritical actions.

The exact quote was this:

"There's no question at times of my life, particularly driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and that things happened in my life that were not appropriate."

Things didn't happen, Newt. You cheated. You didn't honor your marriage vows. You dumped not one, but two sick wives. So much for 'in sickness and in health'. And your excuse is that you love America, and you were busy.

So if I were Wife #3; Calista, I'd be really really concerned about you running for office again. Because chances are, you're going to get busy. And if you still love America, which presumably you'll say you do, (because that kind of thing is important to the voters you're trying to woo)
then it's just a matter of time before you start lining up Wife #4. Of course, you'll cheat first, then dump Calista.

It's not just Calista who should be concerned...Republican voters should be taking a long, hard look at the damage they can sustain from supporting such a foolish, hypocritical old windbag who thinks his supporters have the collective memory of a swarm of fruit flies.

Then again, maybe Newt's not such a fool. Maybe he'll get by with this nonsense. Maybe his supporters don't care if he lies, cheats, and dumps his sick wives. Perhaps as long as he continues to embrace xenophobic, anti-gay, anti-choice positions, they'll simply look the other way.

But there's another thing I just don't get.

I don't see jumping at the chance to get with this-
If he were a great guy; selfless, benevolent, honorable...that would be something else, but knowing he's such an SOB...ladies- please.

Friday, March 11, 2011

It's not your imagination...Tinkerbell's turned hoochy.

We were shopping a while back, not in Paonia,thank you, but in a big box store that shall remain nameless but its initials are Walmart. (to my CA friends, I'm sorry. I said I would never set foot in an evil Walmarket, but I gave in. I was weak, and lazy, and I didn't want to drive 30 additional miles to the next town in order to have a choice of Target, JC Penney, or an even larger Walmart. Shopping here is the best reason to shop online.) Anyway...there we were, plowing through the foreign territory that is Walmart; acres and acres of cheap, tempting crap displayed for our buying pleasure, when I found my husband staring at an circle rack of little girl's T-shirts. He seemed kind of disturbed as he grabbed a pink size 6x tee, emblazoned with a Disney fairy.

"When did Tinkerbell get so slutty?" he demanded to know, waving the shirt in my face.

This is what he was referring to...

This is not the Tinkerbell we remember. Sure...Peter Pan even referred to Tink as 'a common girl' in the 1960 TV movie, but the animators have re-vamped her into an entity that looks like she'd be more comfortable serving cocktails in a strip club by the airport than flitting through a kid's movie.

Given that our fading memories often can't be trusted...(were Hostess Cupcakes really that much better in 1964, or were our taste buds less sophisticated?) I google-searched for an original drawing of Tinkerbell, and found this is what she used to look like...

OK...check her out. She's basically got the same hair, same outfit, those eyebrows that would make the producers of a 'Lifestyle Lift' testimonial proud.
But old, original Tink's arms lack definition, as if she hardly spent anytime at all at the gym. Her bust hasn't been enhanced, and new Tinkerbell has obviously had a chin implant, and probably some rhinoplasty. Original Tink looks like she could be a distant relative of Wilma Flintstone. New Tink looks like she could be a distant relative of Jenna Jameson.
None of this should matter at all, except that if you spend more than 5 minutes in the toy aisle you can't help but notice how blatantly sexual toys for girls have become. Bratz, Monster High Dolls, Struts (I'm not making this crap up-these are horses with high heels) even Trolls have been revamped so they're wearing short skirts and look really slutty. I wonder if Charlie Sheen had any input on this one...
I know I sound like a giant prude, but these toys are really skeevy. It's like they've been designed by pedophiles, because this is pretty simple stuff. Children should not be sexualized. It doesn't matter if you want to paint up three-year-olds and put them in beauty contests, or buy them dolls that emulate streetwalkers. Let children be children. Keep the slutty stuff where it belongs. In sleazy bars by the airport.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Gift of Fred Phelp's Ugliness...

I'd always been taught it's not productive to hate- but like 99.9 % of America, I find Fred Phelps and his group of in-bred morons at the Westboro Baptist Church loathsome. Right off the top of my head, I can't think of a more repulsive group of people.
The recent Supreme Court decision protecting their First Amendment right to picket funerals is troubling, but democracy and freedom are messy and difficult, and often involve protecting the rights of people we'd prefer to beat the crap out of.
Isn't that what's really going on in the hearts and minds of most everyone? Don't most of us just wish that gaggle of dimwits in Kansas would follow the lead of Jim Jones and mix up a big batch of tainted grape kool-aid and drink themselves into the hereafter?
We're civilized, of course, and so we settle for expressing our anger at the Supremes, our disgust at the odious actions of the Phelps family, but more than that, we feel pain for those who have suffered the losses of loved ones, only to have their sacrifices mocked by the stupidity and ignorance of a group fueled by hatred.
When the Westboro thugs only picketed the funerals of AIDS victims, or the gay victims of hate crimes, they didn't get nearly the press they've received by targeting members of the military, or more recently, Elizabeth Edwards and even Christina Taylor-Green; the youngest victim of the Tucson massacre. ( Arizona quickly passed a law which prevented them from doing that.)
The Westboro Bapstist Church has gotten what it wants by gaining a huge amount of national publicity. No small accomplishment for a group which is made up of mostly family members, and random mis-fits, but they've also accomplished something more important. They've united a great number of Americans who have come together to counter-protest. Unlikely allies; bikers, veterans, hacktivists, community groups, and supporters of gay rights. United. Standing together, against a common enemy. In a way- the group at Westboro Baptist Church embodies everything worth standing up to... they're hostile, ignorant, oppressive, dishonest, and extremely cruel.
The Supreme Court decision, while very difficult to stomach, says to the world that as a people, we're bigger than they are. We're stronger; we can unite and speak in a clearer voice. We can overcome petty differences, join hands and create a human chain that cannot be broken by their abhorrent acts. Each and every time we come together, and drown out their hate speech with our counter protests, each time we present physical blocks to keep their ugly signage from being seen by mourners, each time we set aside cultural differences and beliefs to stand side by side in support against them, they lose. They've given us a gift. A strangely wrapped gift, sure- one we'd prefer not to have received, but a gift nonetheless.
That's why they'll never succeed. (That and the fact that everyone knows Fred Phelps is hot for gay boys...otherwise, he wouldn't be so wickedly obsessed with what's happening in everyone else's underwear.)