Do only boring people get bored?

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, there just isn't a lot going on. This mostly applies if you don't want to hang out at one of the local watering holes here in Hotchkiss... (BIKERS WELCOME!) (HUNTERS WELCOME!...WE-DON'T-CARE-IF-HUNTING-SEASON-IS-OVER WE'RE-STILL-PUTTING-OUT-THE-BANNER!) Surely one can understand; if a girl doesn't identify with either group, hanging out at a hunter-or-biker bar can be a little disconcerting. Just for the record, the biker bar is a couple of doors down from a quilting shop. I would be just as intimidated if the bar posted a bright orange banner outside reading "QUILTERS WELCOME!" Because honestly, those crafty ladies that always know what to ask for in a fabric store really scare the crap out of me.


I digress...the point I'm trying to make is that when there is nothing I want to do, I fall back on one of my favorite hobbies. Reading classified ads from the local papers. Before you scoff, remember that Letterman has a whole segment dedicated to small town news. People from all over the country send in clippings from their local papers that they find humorous. I'm far too lazy to do that- I just rip the page out of the paper and stuff it into the same file folder as the bills I'm supposed to pay each month. (that could explain some problems I've been having lately...)

Since I didn't want to go a-quilting, or drinking with people who really like to shoot stuff, I thought I'd clean out some files. I found a bunch of newspaper clippings that I can't remember why I saved, but these ads might be the reason...

"WHO TOLD RITA THEY HAD CASINO STUFF? SHE IS 50 AND CAN'T REMEMBER!! CALL SUZI AT 555-0921. THANKS. (isn't it cool that I used a 555 number just like on TV?)

OK, if you didn't think that was funny, how about this one...I'm not making this up....


HAVE YOU BEEN DREAMING OF A BIG TATTOO BUT CAN'T COME UP WITH ALL THE MONEY IN ADVANCE? WANT TO FINANCE IT? CALL ATF. 970-555-0921. WE WILL FINANCE YOUR TATTOO FOR YOU.

(you don't think it's that ATF, do you?)

There were also some 'freebie' ads that gave me pause. The best one was a listing for a big ball of string and a disposable cat box- free to the first caller.

I think I figured it out...the folks that post these ads have simply spent way too much time hanging out in bars with those crafty quilting ladies or guys who like to shoot things. While they're on their bikes.