Friday, April 8, 2011

Can't we just shut down the tea party instead?

With the government on the verge of shutting down, ( I blame the tea baggers and the Republicans who don't have the balls to stand up to them) reading examples of ridiculously stupid legislation is enough to make a girl scream. (As long as it's not against a city noise ordinance to do so.) While the Demos and Repos are battling it out in Washington, I'm finding my patience for BS is wearing thin. First thing I heard that made me want to find the nearest oil and gas lobbyist and pee on his toothbrush, was this insulting ad they're running almost every hour, on one of the two radio stations I can actually receive in this remote area. It's a load of crap that goes something like, "Who do you trust to make Colorado's energy decisions? Coloradans or bureaucrats in Washington DC???" And they say Washington DC like they're referring to Transylvania. Shame on them. Where in hell are those damn oil and gas lobbyists spending so much time? Could it be Washington?? Do ya think? Exactly what are they trying to pull? How stupid do they think we are? Furthermore, they should show some respect for our nation's capital. This is why I am so sick and tired of the stupid tea bagging idiots, too. When they disrespect the government, they disrespect the American people. Where exactly do those bureaucrats come from? Are they perhaps referring to uuummm, elected officials? The ones WE elected? Oh, those bureaucrats. We elected them, so shut up. And frankly, we've seen what happens when an industry takes control over legislation- just think back to Dick Cheney allowing oil execs to write energy secret. So, if I could just rub elbows with some of those smarmy lobbyists, I would absolutely excuse myself to go pee on something belonging to one of a toothbrush. In fact, if we could ever get our hands on Dick Cheney's toothbrush, and auction off the opportunity to pee on that, it could be the hottest fundraising tool the Democrats ever had. But I guess that would be against the law. Speaking of laws... Here's more of what set me off this morning. The next little goodie was a blurb I read about how the legislation in South Carolina is proceeding to outlaw Sharia law. Yes, non-existent Sharia law. Again...Republicans are behind this...the ones who are so fiscally responsible. Idiots, wasting money on a non-existent threat. Then, there was a strange piece of legislation in Maine. I've been paying attention to Maine, because I have fantasies about moving there after the current governor's term is up (because he's repulsive) and the story had a weird enough headline to catch my attention. It seems that Maine is going to be the first state to make it legal for an amputee or otherwise one-armed person to own and use (in an emergency) a switchblade. My first thought was of a Maine version of West Side Story...being played out with one-armed gangsters wearing Mackinaws. I thought the whole idea was pretty dumb. Turns out there's a bit of logic behind it. The bill was originated by Paul Dumas, Jr. who argued that he is tired of opening his knife with his teeth, and " he can't react quick enough in emergencies when he needs to cut a piece of rope." Mr. Dumas is a horse-rider with one arm, and a legitimate need. If he were on federal land, he wouldn't have an issue, since federal law permits one-armed persons to carry switchblades on federal property, as long as they don't have blades longer than three inches. So...I learned something new. I also learned that like every state, Colorado has its share of silly laws still on the books. For example; cross dressing in public is illegal in Durango. Sterling has an ordinance which states that a cat must be fitted with a tail light if it sneaks out of the house. (Isn't that the whole purpose of sneaking out?) Speaking of cat legislation, in Cresskill, cats must warn birds of their whereabouts by wearing 3 bells. If you abuse rats in Denver, you're going down. You're also in trouble there if you loan your vacuum to a neighbor. Really. Big, big trouble. Don't even think about riding your horse upstairs in Cripple Creek. Against. The. Law. Boulder takes their city property pretty seriously. It's illegal to move a rock on city property, as well as allow your pet goat to graze on city grass. Better watch it. And in case you don't think we take safety seriously in Colorado...well you'd be wrong. It's against the law to have a snowball fight in Aspen (I personally think it's because you might mess up some one's hair, make-up or bruise a recent botox injection) They're all over it in Alamosa, where you positively cannot fire a missile at a car. No way. Never. Ever. So...the question here is if the government does in fact shut down, would that give all of us a chance to go out and break some of these laws? Personally, I'm thinking about taking a horse up to the third floor of a casino in Cripple Creek.

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